I tried my best, but it's as if I'm treading water.

A Dream About Grandma

 I had a dream last night. I was just arriving to my grandma’s house and sit in the TV room. Then a phone call came from an un-identified number. I pick up the phone and..

It’s my grandma

🧑🏼‍🦳: halo ade dimana?

👩🏻: ini ade udah sampe eyangmah, di depan tv

🧑🏼‍🦳: oh eyangmah ngga denger, eyangmah kan udah tua

👩🏻: yaudah ngga papa yangmah, ade di sini ya

I hang up the phone and realize that my grandma has passed away. I call my aunt, who lives in that house also, but she didn’t answer. I check her room and it’s empty. I check my grandma’s room and it’s also empty. I was all alone in that house..

Aldi & Alex

 R: main suwit yuk supaya dapet cashback gopay

A: gimana caranya?

R: kamu kirim aku gopay aja terus add as friend

••• setelah transfer gopay link suwit belum muncul •••

R: kok aneh sih? Harusnya udah muncul. Apa jangan jangan aku udah jadi gopay friend kamu kali

A: belum aku kan belum pernah kirim gopay ke kamu. Gopay friend aku paling cuma mantan aku doang

R: coba cek dulu karena harusnya langsung muncul link nya.

••• pas dicek ternyata emang belum friend. Gopay friend cuma ada 2, namanya Aldi & Alex •••

R: oh mantan kamu Aldi?

A: iya sama Alex hehehehehehe

Selamat Jalan, Eyang Mah

 

Before You Go

 Was never the right time, whenever you called

Went little, by little, by little until there was nothing at all

Our every moment, I start to replay

But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face

When you hurt under the surface

Like troubled water running cold

Well, time can heal but this won't

So, before you go

Was there something I could've said

To make your heart beat better?

If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather

January Brought Me Back to Imlek Morning in 2017

Never have I ever imagine that I would ask for blood donor due to any emergency situation. Well because who wants to have an emergency? Nobody. 

Today, my grandmother is being treated in the ICU and need plasma convalescent donor from B+ blood. It was very hard to find the right donor because until now there’s still no one that suits the criteria for plasma convalescent donor. 

Some strangers, who got my announcement, showed up and show their big heart to help giving their blood. This reminds me of one moment back in 2017.

It was on January 28, 2017, 01:00 AM, Tidar (my XLFL facilitator) sent a message in our Line group asking if anyone still awake and willing to help. I was still awake that morning because I just got home from a rehearsal session for Imlek fashion show. I thought if I can help, then why not? Maybe there’s a good reason why God gave me this situation. Maybe this is why the rehearsal session took a very long time until midnight. 

Long story short Tidar emailed me and the other XLFL students the next morning and here is what it says.

Subject: A Note on Imlek Morning

Hi arek Suroboyo -

Ingat Line chat saya jam 1 pagi semalam menanyakan siapa yang masih terbangun? Yes, it was an emergency situation. 

Here's the backstory:

Danial (12 tahun) adalah seorang anak asal Bawean yang bersekolah di Surabaya. Long story short, tadi pagi ia harus operasi usus buntu tetapi tidak ada yang menemani karena dia merantau seorang diri di Surabaya.

Dibutuhkan paling tidak satu orang dewasa untuk menemani selama Danial operasi. Setelah tanya kanan-kiri, akhirnya Rara came to the rescue dan bisa menemani Danial. Rara datang ke Rumah Sakit Bedah Surabaya di Manyar sejak jam 5 pagi sampai jam 10 ini. Operasi langsung dilakukan jam 6 pagi.

Rara spent very many hours this morning with a total stranger. A kid she doesn't know before. She was waiting patiently and making sure Danial is fine. Apa yang Rara lakukan pagi ini adalah sebuah pertunjukan yang bagi saya sangat indah. Pertunjukan itu bukan di runway fashion - yang selama ini Rara lakukan, tetapi di sebuah rumah sakit.

Dear Rara, it must be so difficult to stay awake in a hospital at very early. I just wished God gave you the best and I pray you continue to grow as the remarkable woman you have become today. Thanks for showing us your big heart.

Sidenote: My highest appreciation also goes to Anthony who is actually willing to take care of Danial this morning. But then I forgot, today's Imlek. It's the time of the year to spend time with dearest family. And Anthony deserves to meet his family. So thank you Anthony, Happy Imlek! 😊

Your proud facilitator/friend/fan of you all.

Tidar Rachmadi

This story make me realize that I am actually not bad as a human. I still have empathy (or I don’t know what this is called) deep down in my heart. And in the time like this I see there are a lot of people who actually care to others, and willing to help even if I am a total stranger to them.

I thank God for everything that happen to me, whether it was good or bad, it will lead me to something better :’)

My Personal Andes: XL Future Leaders Surabaya Class Batch 3

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The Whole Class (Surabaya)

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We've been through a lot. And here we are, graduating together, our ties to one another grew stronger every day.